How Nail Polish started it all!

In the interests of full disclosure, I feel it is my responsibility to let you all know how it started. TGTT suggests I run good, so I think I need to quit denying that claim and let everyone in on a little secret. I started running good in 2002, and it really hasn't ended since then.

Let me set the scene. I purchased a home in Southern Indiana during the summer of 2001. I purchased the home from a family that owned a carpet business. So, suffice it say that the carpet/flooring in this joint was no less than top of the line. Ok, I'm probably like you, who gives a shit about top of the line carpet. Well, after I finish this post you'll know why it matters. The home is a very average 3 bed brick ranch, nothing special, but for me and my family I thought it was fantastic, but actually a bit on the expensive side at $129,000. So, after working out a deal with the owner on the down low, cutting out the realtor and the absurd 7% listing fee, we settled on a reasonable $113,000.

The family room had a plush aqua green carpet surrounded by parkay flooring around the permiter of the room. I like the carpet and the parkay flooring, but my wife not so much. Ok, I realize I'm not runnig great yet, but I'm getting there so be patient. One night my wife is sitting on the couch in the family room getting ready to paint her nails. She begins to actively tap the nail polish bottle into the palm of her hand which as I understand it is common practice to ensure that the nail polish is mixed well before application. Also, if you didn't know, nail polish bottles generally have a metal ball (bearing) that is commonly inserted into the bottle, which I can only think is for the purpose of helping to mix the nail polish during this pre-application ritual of popping the nail polish bottle into one's palm before application. I am really not sure how many times I heard the flesh of my wife's palm collide with the glass nail polish bottle before I realized we had a problem. Or was it? The nail polish had spewed everywhere after the bottle broke in my wife's plam. No significant cut or injury, other than the outrageously pink highlights my wife now dawned. The nail polish generously applied itself to the carpet, couch, my wife's hair, nightgown and expensive breatfeeding bra.

After ensuring that the rather minimal skin abrasion on my wife's hand was not life threatening, I was able to digest to the impact of this accident. The carpet was ruined, the couch was ruined (according to my wife--but I could still be using it today if necessary), my wife had a little paint in her hair but all in all not that big of deal.....until! My wife decides that


Is responsible for this incident. I was confused, I mean I didn't understand at all what that meant. My wife then suggests that she would be contacting Sally Hansen to inquire about them covering the expenses related to the damaged carpet, couch, etc. My response: OK. I still didn't even understand what this meant. How could the nail polish company be responsible for this? My wife then explained that it was a result of them selling a defective nail polish bottle. She further helped me understand that she had never had this happen before so someone was at fault and should pay. I paid it little attention, but she began taking pictures of the affected areas, along with bagging up the broken nail polish bottle. She contacted Sally Hansen and received a response. She was instructed to fill out a report and submit her estimates of the damage for the insurance company. What?????????? You are shitting me right? Nope, quite serious.

This is where I think it gets interesting. I go to the prior home owners' business and request an estimate for the carpet, a section of about 18 X18, and the estimate is for like $1,800. Are you kidding me, this is unreal, carpet doesn't really cost this much, but apparently they had the good stuff in their house. Then the estimate for the nursing bra, couch, nightgown, and hair products for removal of the paint from my wife's hair. So, we get it all together and submit a several thousand dollar claim to Sally Hansen. Again, I start to fall back into my previous line of thinking: This is unreal, nobody pays for this. Well, wrong I am. Sallie Hansen cuts a check for the full amount.

So, now you know 'How Nail Polish started it all!'

Harlem, and a Southern Breeze

I am writing this post as I vacation in Orange Beach, AL. I would like to say I have been sitting by the pool/ocean sucking down Corona but that really hasn't happened. At this point I have drank exactly two beers at the ocean on day one of the vacation. The weather has not exactly cooperated in that it has been extremely windy every day, and yesterday the clouds rolled in. The forecast suggests we are in for a few daws of rain (stalled front) with severe weather possible. That makes for a bad situation when most of the vacation is planned around beach time.

I did however play two rounds of gold, the first at Peninsula Golf Club. I am still a horrible golfer but I enjoy playing a really nice course every now and again, just to see how the other 3/4 live. It was very nice, cart GPS included which I think is top notch, although at $18 a six pack I didn't exactly pour them down. The second round of golf was at Lost Key and it was uber frustrating. Very tight course (doesn't fit my game real well) and more bunkers than quaker has oats. The ranger gave us instructions before teeing off being sure to mention that there were 'moccasins' on the course, so don't go hunting for balls in the wet areas. Weed was petrified and stated he didn't hear a word of the briefing after moccasin. We also went to Alligator Alley which was cool to see them feed the gators. My most enjoyable part of that trip was Weed getting as far away as possible from the snake exhibit, although he remained part of the show from outside the fence interacting more with the snake handler than the audience. Snake handler: Do you want to come in here and hold this snake? Weed: The only good snake is a dead snake!

My wife and kids have made it to the outlet mall in Foley to spend money. Does anyone know where she gets it? Because, honestly, I'm not sure at this point. The one thing I am sure of is that she never seems to slow down, so I guess she is doing OK. How can the economy really be a wreck if she is still on the loose shopping.

I intended to get this picture up sooner, so sorry for the delay. The family went to check out the Harlem GLobetrotters a few weeks ago, and my wife took some pictures. I think I may owe someone an apology, because if the Globetrotters are using it in their act, then its got to be top shelf:




OK, that's all I have for now. Enjoy the rest of spring break if you have one, and I'll try to keep dry. Oh, no Biloxi trip. I didn't intend to play golf two days, so in an attempt to not get a 'bad dad' monicher, I am going cancel that day trip. I'm really kind of sad about it because I really wanted to check out the rebuilt casinos. Oh well, probably saved money.

Idol, Big Changes, & the Pool

American Idol is back again with a ridiculous load of talent. I mean all of the people can sing, which is not always the case. Front runners Lil and Danny definitely have their hook, but I am thinking maybe a strong move my Allison or Matt might spice things up a little. I realize that most of you twits don't follow what has become an American pastime, but the bottom line is that Idol really does rock. So, before you comment about my persuasion let me invite you to perform oral pleasure on me, at least then you will be justified in your comments.

Now, on to more impacting/life changing happenings. Mundo has officially been kicked the hell out. Yes, you heard it here first, after a long relationship with Nate, they have officially broken up and Mike becomes banished ex. Here is the part that I don't get. Why does Mike have to leave immediately, why wouldn't he be able to stay until his apartment was open in just a couple of weeks. Seems like having the amount of history that their friendship does that Mike wouldn't just be tossed away and given curb service. Seems wrong, and I guess time will tell if their friendship outlasts the relationship that has moved in to take it's place. Now that I think about it maybe that's it, Nate didn't have a say so about Mike's eviction. That does make more sense now doesn't it. I also sure hope that he cleans those bathrooms before the boss sees them; that could be bad.

The next issue that requires a briefing is about the pool. You had to know I was gonna write about he pool! Well, it happened again. The cover has come off and all the leaves have fallen to the murky depths, and the only way to resolve this issue is to make like a polar bear (you know the cold blooded ones--I'm giving you the finger right now). This year particularly irritates me considering I went to great lengths to secure the pool cover, attaching filled milk gallon jugs to ensure the cover didn't slip. Of course the pool cover gods reign the fury of an ice storm down on me to tear the pool cover and provide access for the leaves and debris to cohabitate with what was crystal clear pool water just beneath that worthless pool cover. Yes, I understand I will be fighting hypothermia, frost bite, numbness, and many other medical conditions, but it is what I do. Don't worry, I will get medical attention if necessary, I'm NOT that TOUGH.

I'm headed down to Alabama in about a week. The annual spring break adventure is usually a struggle for me, but this year I'm looking forward to it. With all the doom and gloom with respect to the national economy and frustration regarding our foolish political system I think I am ready to get away and just veg out. Of course by vegging out I mean following he itinerary of my wife like an enlisted man, but just maybe I can get a little ME time. I plan to make a day trip over to Biloxi to check out the rebuilt casinos. I'm especially interested in checking out the Beau Rivage since I was so impressed by it before the hurricane hit. Are there any Harrah's properties over in that area? I need to know that because they probably have some hookers and blow waiting for me if so. Plans are still on for the October Vegas trip. Right now it looks like the wife and I will be staying at Harrah's in a premium room (granite counter tops/marble shower) because that is the way I roll. Not exactly sure why Harrah's is treating me this well, but who deserves it more than me, right?

I considered reviewing our Tunica trip, but the passage of time has faded its memory (or it could have been the Coronas). I had a blast as usual, and am looking forward to heading back that way in May. I believe the departure time is 10 AM May 21st from the homestead. I'm hoping we can get an increased interest in this trip and roll down there with a big crew. Anybody want to set a line on whether or not Nate goes? I am willing to give some action on this.

Damn, almost forgot. Kurt Warner is my favorite player in the NFL. And, how can you really root against a guy who has the BIG MAN on his side.

Peace OUT--You know who I am!