Tuesday, June 02, 2009

H20 & The Joy of Kids

I realize this should be a Tunica post, considering we just returned from our trip. And, it was a blast as usual, and I might add the bonus of no speeding ticket was very nice. That's kind of like a $26 win right there. OK, a few quick highlights. The $25 banger came through on the roulette as Super and I strolled past in route to the buffet. The Tough Man is trying to take some credit for this, but I can't really allow that flawed notion to be floated so recklessly. I was banging the greens with green regardless Tough Man, but I was glad I could take Super on a little $450 ride. For some reason the food tasted better than ever after that! I won at Poker, which is not a usual occurrence, but it has happened two times in a row. I was able to bust Adam's meager little stack although the real win was when I asked Robin if he could sit at the table with no chips...I think I may have hurt his feelings, although that wasn't my intent. Yeah, I wanted him to be irritated maybe even mad, but not hurt. Note to self: Adam wears a skirt so please don't rough house with him, he is fragile. Super ran well, and made some coin, but the Tough Man, Nate and Adam booked a loss, I think, although Adam did make a major comeback on Saturday night. I should also note that Mundo would have a stake in the Tough Man's estate right now if it weren't for a little three outer love, queen style.

Now, on to the present. My water is hard, very hard. Apparently it tests at 20 grains, which I believe translates into about 340 parts per million which I understand is about as hard as a wedding dick. So, this has resulted in my dishwasher sounding like a Cessna and I often think the entire house is preparing for take off when it gets revved up. This results in me turning the TV up very loud to drowned out the loud dishwasher, which in turn results in my wife yelling at me for having the TV too loud. But, need I remind you that I have ADD, and that damn dishwasher just craves my attention. Its like a siren's song and I can't stay focused on the TV unless it is really loud. So, my options are to buy a new dishwasher, which would remain quiet for approximately 5 months before it calcifies and starts to sound like the local airport around here again, OR I could get a water softener and then get a new dishwasher. Yep, its definitely gonna be the water softener, and let me tell you why. My parents have long been telling me to get a water softener and after relating the significant challenges with regard to my TV watching which are a result of my hard water problem...out of no where my old man offers to buy me a soft water unit! What?? Yep, he wants to buy me a soft water system and being the good son that I am I'm gonna let him do it. It makes him happy, and I'm not a happiness stealer like other people I know. Some people might say I run good, oh well I think I deserve it after getting my Aces cracked by JJ in Tunica.

The water softener is on order and I expect it to be put in next week. The water softener is actually part of a bigger plan, that is to sell the house. I know I've been back and forth on this, but when I pulled into my drive way the other day it hit me like a ton of bricks that I do not want to live here any more. Maybe it was the guy outside my back fence trying to talk to me about planting 'tomaters and peppers' the whole time I'm trying to tell the hill jack that he is very close to digging on my property, where I intend to be planting bamboo within the next few weeks which will undoubtedly spread throughout his horticultural masterpiece. He didn't seem to get anything I was saying, but maybe that was because there was so much RED MAN in his jaw that the juice had some how occluded his ear canal.

So, here is the plan. Water softener, new appliances in kitchen, new counter top, paint cabinets in kitchen, replace interior doors. That should pretty much do it in preparation for selling. I fully expect for it take 14 months to sell the house, so I'm not packing or anything, but I'm glad I'm finally committed to selling. I won't even go into the houses my wife is picking out, nor will I share her response when I told her she is looking at homes that are approximately $50,000 more than I would ever agree to spend. Now, she does get her way most of the time, but big ticket items dad gets the last say so.

Now, just in case some of you enjoy hearing about me running not so good, this if for YOU. I'm taking the kids to a day camp at church this morning. I arrive 10 minutes early and wait and wait, and nobody is at the church. I then call my wife and find out that she told me the wrong time. So, I am directed to drop the kids off at one of her friend's house and on the way there it happened. Yep, the red and blue lights. I am immediately sad, because I have made an effort to NOT speed for at least the last 6 months and have been successful at not getting a ticket. I pull over and the statey asks for drivers license and registration, but I'm nervous because I have both kids in the van with me. I should also let you know that the kids are not nervous and are grinning from ear to ear--these are the times when I know the my wife's DNA is strong in them. I hand the State Police Officer my debit card, oops! No other conversation and he is off to his car. Now I absolutely know I'm getting a ticket and I feel the green monster start to rage within me. I have no idea if I was speeding, I wasn't intending to, but I did go past the school where the limit is 30 and that's pretty slow so I guess I could have been running 45 and not even noticed it. I also know that as soon as the copper pulls up my record he's going to see a laundry list of speeding tickets, which I now believe is the single most impacting piece of information the officer has when deciding between the warning and ticket. OK, back to the rage, and I do mean rage. I'm already trying to decide if I just cut totally loose with the kids in the car or not playing out different scenarios in my head. The officer quickly comes back to the van, and I'm thinking that was pretty quick, there is a chance that I'm getting out of this--so the green monster starts to retreat. The officer immediately presents me an offer, yes an offer. He says, well I can do one of two things here, I got you clocked at 45, but I couldn't tell whether or not your seat belt was on or not, so if its OK with you I'm gonna write you a seat belt ticket? I'm confused for a second, not because I don't understand, but the delivery just threw me a bit. So, in the second or two he reads the confusion on my face the officer says, or I could go back and write you for speeding, which I noticed you seemed to have quite a few tickets. I immediately say, "I'll do much better at putting my seat belt on in the future officer". He hands me the SEAT BELT ticket and away I go. Immediately my daughter starts asking questions. Dad, how could he give you a seat belt ticket, you had your seat belt on the whole time? Well honey, he was just giving me a break so I didn't have to pay a speeding ticket because those are more expensive. She still isn't getting it so she says, "I will be your witness that you had your seat belt on the whole time", I kindly thank her but let her know that the nice officer was doing me a favor. So we arrive at our destination and she gets out of the van still kind of shaking her head, but then realizes she had better hurry up and run in the house to tell my wife's friend I got a ticket before her sister gets to spill the beans. Kids--gotta love'em!